Mom came to visit and it was great, for all of us - her, me and my brother. It was so nice that we could do things and I was thrilled that my brother felt like he could join in, just get out of his room and visit with us. We went shopping and out to lunch, Mom and I. We ordered pizza twice, two nights, for dinner and it was great. Really good. She just drove off a while ago, and it's nice to sit down and be able to write a thank you to everyone. It was really nice and exactly what I needed. She brought me two coffee cups, and a great canvas Farmer's Market bag, and some nice black trivets, and was just here generally, which was really great.
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One of this year's coffee cups. Pacifica. And my sugar bowl from Home Goods in Atlanta. Mom is coming to visit after all. I have just had such a hard time with voices lately, which is why I cancelled her invitation for a couple of days. I just absolutely need rumor and hearsay to stop. Ridicule. Unbelievable. Luckily, my brother noticed my change of mood and asked me to contact her again and invite her to visit I'm very happy to say that she can. And she will be traveling without her little dog this time, which is easier so that we can get out and look around town, go shopping, out to eat. I'm excited. We had been talking about a visit all year, and I thought I just can't face this pressure of schizophrenia as it was at the time and I kind of begged her to come and visit for my birthday. Anyway, I'm glad she's able to make it here, it's a long drive, 8 hours, and I know it's very nice of her to make the effort to come, to find someone to look after the dog, my Aunt in this case. It's very exciting and I look forward to a great visit. I'm keeping my therapy appointment for consistency and I think it will be fine. We'll certainly get to see the dog in December when Mom visits again here for Christmas. I just hope we can sleep and have a nice time. She loves to visit here and she really cheers us both up - my brother and me.
My Kino Flo paintings. Having invited my Mom up for my birthday, I called her back today and told her not to come and that I never wanted to see her again. It is painful to talk about, but she is just sickening, in every way. Everything she ever said, ruined my life.
I don't know what it means, but when I realized it, I felt ok, I mean, I just could not take responsibility for her anymore. I made an appointment for therapy on my birthday, on purpose, because I really don't like Mom to visit, especially with the dog I mentioned, who is also not house trained. Anyway, I just feel she is too disappointing to continue in my life, and my Dad doesn't like her to come up here either. I mean, I just couldn't listen anymore. I might paint again sometime in the next few days. It's nice to be able to write here. thanks, xxb Our guest room, which is mine when my Mom comes to visit. For some reason, I really wanted to post this photograph. Mainly, it's because I finally got this room in order, after many years. I sleep very well here. It is very nice for me to be able to achieve something like this, and I love that my camera can work so well with indoor lighting, which is something I am really enjoying and I didn't really know this camera could be so beautiful. I just bought it as my last chance. I'm pleased.
I haven't painted in a while. For the first time since I started painting here again, I kind of messed one up and I'm waiting for it to dry so I can paint over it. I was kind of angry when I painted it, I'm often depressed and angry, but this is the first time I have been so sloppy and uncaring about a painting. I'm hoping it won't happen again. My good news, is that my Mom is coming to visit for my birthday. She told me she would be able to make it here for a visit last night. I'm really happy. So is my brother, happy, which is a nice thing to see, he was in a good way of living and thinking when I gave him the news. I called Mom and told her that. It's a whirlwind when she visits. She has a fragile little dog, a Poodle, who is very sweet and I love that she visits, it's just that we have to look after her all the time, so we can't go out. Which is fine, we'll think of things to do here. I think that, because the house is in order, that it won't be so chaotic and we can even cook in the kitchen, maybe. I don't know for sure what we will think of to do, but it's just very much a relief that she is coming and I am very happy about it. This dog has had some health problems in her life so far, she broke her leg jumping out of my Aunt's lap. She is just excitable. Anyway, sometimes I speak to her on the phone, and even leave her a message. Mom says the dog likes that, she gets excited to hear my voice, which is very sweet of her. I'm looking forward to this visit. Pictures of my pictures, top. Pictures of my living room, lower. I have had the chance, for the past few days to enjoy my wonderful little camera that I have, my first Digital one, a Canon Rebel SL1.
Just pictures of things around the house, scenes I have created. I wanted to post a picture I made of the back bedroom, but I think it's otherwise being used, that picture, at the moment. Anyway, I like it. I worked a little hard on that back bedroom. I found sheets at the shop which were the colors I like, which remind me of the colors in my Grandmother's house. I sewed the pillow cases myself, as the set came without them. The cover to the comforter, I bought earlier this year with some of my savings. The color, ecru, and the Orange signature remind me of the way I had decorated my bedroom when I was married, which i really loved. What is important is that this bed set is only a reminder, reminiscent, not exact. I have moved on, and I have to keep doing that. As for the other pictures shown here, I have also worked quite hard on which books I have around me in the house. These books are all meaningful to me. I especially love the set on this basket storage table, in the lower picture. I haven't painted since the last time I mentioned it here in this weblog. I'm sure I will again at some point in the next few days or weeks, I'm not sure when. It's just when I can do that, I do it... Cup and sugar bowl, 2016. Life is really really beautiful now. The voices and visions have calmed down. I have been able to paint, just one painting, today. Nice colors. But okay, life is really really good.
Years ago I threw away a mini digital video camera that my ex-husband had given me after the divorce. I had asked for it to borrow, just to download something I had filmed. He was a little annoyed and he ended up giving it to me, which I totally didn't expect or ask for. Anyway, schizophrenia as it is, during an episode I threw it out. But a few weeks ago, it turned up in the back of the new Jeep my Dad had bought for himself. I could not believe it. It was dusty, and sticky too, for some reason. And the power to the battery charger didn't work - the light wouldn't come on. But but but!!! today I am charging that battery even just now. I cannot believe it and I am totally and utterly thankful for this ... well, miracle. I can't even believe it. I'm really happy about this. I have found some mini DV tapes online, which I will get later on this year. Actually, my Mom is sending me some money for my birthday - $15. So I can possibly buy some tapes at the end of the month or in September. I'm just totally shocked and happy about all this. It's really fantastic. Other than that fantastic news, I can't stop saying fantastic. Anyway, I have been uploading some photographs, florals, onto an interesting website for a fabric, wallpaper and giftwrap design company called Spoonflower. I'm enjoying that. I look forward to seeing what my Aunt and my cousin think of what I have done so far. They are decorators and my cousin is also a designer. Maybe they have in mind colors and more suggestions. I don't know. But ok, I'm stunned and really really happy. Wow. Totally, utterly, thank you. xxb For mood. I woke up at 4 am. I was a little annoyed, but then i went to the McDonald's for a Diet Dr. Pepper and a Cinnamon Melt. My favorite special breakfast. Then later the trouble started, fighting the forces so that I could take a shower and put on make up and lipstick and nail polish and so on.
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June 2017
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