It rained all day long. I had my first therapy session of the new year, which went well. But I am not starting this new year out as I meant to go on... Still eating like it's Christmas and a bit skippy on the exercise... But I feel I will get it under control eventually... I am reading Krishnamurti and I realize that, according to him, I have it all wrong. I should not discipline myself. Actually, I am kind of taking that approach - I am 'doing it when I feel like it', in those moments when I am not caught up in my environment, when the "I" is distinct from my relationships... It's all I can do anyway. So I am giving Krishnamurti a go. It's nice to have a book to read. Last weekend I went to my local Barnes and Noble and I can never find what I would like to read in there... It's just not as well and widely stocked as Barnes and Noble in Union Square in New York City is... I end up scouring Amazon for books and authors I have already read or have heard of at least... I don't like fiction, it seems. I like religion/philosophy books mostly. My B&N has an aisle for that, but it is mostly feel-good books by, sorry to say it, otherwise undistinguished authors... I guess I sound like a snob saying that, but I have tried a few of those books out and I just find them very wishy washy... But it is better than when I was investigating tarot cards and astrology. My cousin is very into astrology and I tried to learn it to have something to talk about, since she lived in Los Angeles and I was moving there from London, but the fact is I just don't have faith in it like she does... I do know that my chart is full of squares, which is bad, and that Uranus rules my fourth house, which is also really bad. So, anyway, I gave up on astrology and the occult in general, but not before my first psychosis, which was one very deep plunge into the arcane and tough to come out of. I have no business fooling around in the occult at all. I am just too 'daytime' for it. I am still wondering about going to church. I find it really hard to get what I am looking for there though. A lot of talk about service and faith, which is not so bad, but the awful stories that pepper the sermons kind of trigger me sometimes, which kind of outweighs the pleasant coffee hour afterward. Actually, the best church I have found is a tiny Catholic church downtown. I guess Catholics have decided enough is enough and demand or have earned a kinder message. This I appreciate. My poor head has had enough of a test of faith, with schizophrenia.
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