The kitchen. i was imagining a beach. My friend from childhood who visited me in July gave me some things to look at for redoing the kitchen, which I don't think will happen any time soon. but it made me think of beaches. I have been imagining adding land to land and different landscapes.
I realise how far gone I have been in the past few weeks. It's been quite bad. I have just enough perspective on that, which as my doctor in london once said, is kinder on the mind. I am trying to get through the days. I was able to stay up last night and listen to music, which was nice. I haven't been able to stay awake past 8 o clock lately, at night. but yes trying to get through the days until my ocean film which i am hoping will happen october 8. i have been quite hallucinatory about it, and I have some ideas to work with if i can get my photoshop working. It didn't work for the tutorial. I don't know if it's RAM or whatever. We'll see. I just really want to get out of being insane. It is so hard. I'm just glad that I have been able to keep a normal schedule, like i don't eat that much now, but i'm not starving, which has put me in the hospital before, stuff like that. I have had a lot of trouble distinguishing reality from fiction, people look and act strange, and i feel guided by voices and satellites, which I had not thought of before. I thought I was sane when I was writing this post in the last few weeks, but in reality i have been psychotic since mid July, and before that much of February and March. So it has been a difficult year. I'm a little disappointed by the performance of the Latuda. I was hoping for more control, though I am not sleeping all day like i was on previous medications. i hope to be able to pull myself together in the coming months. I'm quite disappointed.
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