Museum of Art. I missed my psychiatrist's appointment for the second time in a row today. Both appointments were for the afternoon and my mind is on other things then. I have rescheduled for a 9am. The thing is, it's not even seeing a psychiatrist anymore, it's just a nurse who renews your prescription. I hope it goes well, this new substition. I 'm used to a Doctor, and last time I saw the nurse I had to tell her what to do. Not great.
I took a picture of this statue for inspiration. I have joined a gym, which I have mentioned and I am doing quite well with it, having overcome an ankle sprain today, just today, and I have lost some weight, too. I also feel really great because of the exercises I have been given to do. The weight machines are very good. I have never been one to be at one with myself physically, I am always either in shape or out of shape. One or the other. But, after my first psychosis in Los Angeles I lost a lot of weight and kept it off for about 7 years. I was really happy with that, but the thing was the smoking. i have quit smoking recently and it is really good and I'm not gaining weight because of that, either. I changed my title of my blog here from tea and cigarettes, life with schizophrenia, to just "a journal" to denote the changes I have made to my day and to my mind, in that I am no longer really using the word schizophrenic to describe myself. I am not in denial, it's just that it is very nice to have a mental break from the diagnosis and what it means to me. I have been reading a very interesting book called. Introvert Power, by Laurie Helgoe Phd. I have taken some notes, and I have also found a reference to a Jung book, many actually, she mentions him a lot, called Memories, Dreams and Reflections. I ordered it from Amazon. The introvert book is vivid and very informative and descriptive generally, and I am learning a lot about introvert styles, including one of my types, which is an introvert who seems like an extrovert... In fact, I thought I was an extrovert, or becoming one anyway, but this is the second book on the subject that I have been reading and I definitely fit the introvert profile. I am really appreciative of this kind of information. My therapist does not have a style which would include testing or educating me about, well, anything. She is just strictly talk therapy, which is fine, but I really needed information like I am now getting, thanks to my internet partner and friend, who cues up great reading generally. I am enjoying learning about these things. That half of society is introverted is encouraging and it explains my delight at the never ending discovery of the wealth of intelligence and creativity I encounter as I venture outside of myself and outside of my home. The gym for instance, is totally fascinating. I really love the people there, all ages and abilities, and mostly younger than me but some as old and older too. It is just so nice to be around other people with the interest of health and I see so many things I haven't seen before, like today one young girl, who really my god, has such a wonderful physique, I mean I was like totally inspired, though I suspect it's largely genetics for her, she was anyway, shaking two enormous long ropes for exercise, just shaking them across the room. I have not seen that before and it was interesting. These ropes were something like you would find on an ocean liner or someplace like that. Anyway, I have finished my given exercises, each of ten days, and so tomorrow it is back to the start, which is legs, which I really love so much that I do them every day anyway. I have killed myself on the ab circuit lol, and am in too much pain to work there for a few days. I still notice it with my yoga. I hurt so bad I can't get out of bed without a cry lol. It feels good though. So, I have quit smoking, joined a gym, I'm learning French and I am starting a photography class next Tuesday night. I am very excited about these changes and for anyone with a mental illness I would encourage the use of the mind and body like this. It is helpful I think. After a horrible start to the year, I have been really quite clear since I ditched my diagnosis (but NOT the meds) and since I started with these other engagements. I didn't even think I could do these things with my condition. It took the eye of someone on the outside who has really helped me with fantastic suggestions. It has been like water for the desert, very nice indeed.
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