At the Museum of Art, West Building. I have been going to the new gym for just more than a week now, and I feel great. One of the trainers designed a workout program for me and it's going well, but I am going to start increasing some sets and also to mix in just lightly a few more leg weights even on days in which it is not on the list. Just a little. I'm in love with the hip abductor machines, just the feeling they create is really lovely.
I'm also diving into my French lessons. My cds arrived, and I am happy that my terrible accent will improve slightly, by listening to them. The speakers in my car are good and so I can hear the voices very well. They speak so fast! But it is helpful to just try to do the same a few times, then you will just have the words falling out of your mouth instead of climbing over all the syllables. Yesterday was my shopping day and I was happy to find a little extra money in my account so I went to Barnes and Noble and found some exercise books for language, and they come with a website, with electronic flash cards. I'm glad to be able to learn from different sources because it shapes up the lessons in my mind and I can learn precise spelling and accents and stuff like that, and increase my vocabulary. If I don't seize up, I can write a tiny bit of French from memory, but I would like to be able to understand French spoken by the French, I listen very carefully and it's all so contextual and so it will be something to look forward to. As for speaking it, vowels and r's are the hardest for me, and I'm generally muffled, I have to learn to kind of sing it, in a way, to get the right sounds. So, much listening to do. One thing I did was talk myself out of a conversation book, which I will go back and get, I mean, duh, it would be a good place to start. I think I just remember school where we just totally conjugated verbs all day and all year, and I'm not thinking beyond that. Since I remember a little, I think it would be good to expose myself to conversation, just to make it well, pleasant and fluid to learn. I second-guessed myself, which I have been doing this year, and I think it's because I have been kind of opening up my mind, cognitively, which is great but I have also been kind of looking at the past and issues and incidents and I am trying to adjust my perception of what is real. So I'm a little tentative sometimes and it's irritating. But, I get there eventually. Ever since I kind of reached the end of illusion, I have been more engaged in the present and I am working out as I mentioned and it's been having a nice effect. I am hallucinating hardly ever now, I take showers every day now instead of once a week, because of the exercise and because it just feels nice to do that. I'm not so shell-shocked about my mental illness and by life generally. I have voices just three or four times a day and they are unobtrusive and polite and offer a kind commentary on my day, they are encouraging me to be more confident and they report my lapses in confidence to me so that they are not forming pools underground. I'm so surprised to be living like this, to have things to do which are entirely about my mental and physical well-being in a proactive way, and not just living wrapped in cotton wool, as I have for years. I just didn't know I could do this, and I am deeply thankful for this turnaround in my life which is to credit someone very dear to me who took the time to listen and to educate and to inspire. I'm humbled and I also kind of am fully engaged in pursuing "growth" and "transformation", goals and concepts that I had previously considered too advanced and confusing. I needed a very advanced and evolved cybernaut partner and to him, my deepest thanks and love.
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