I had therapy today and it was quite dense with talk about my recent psychosis. I try to avoid talking about psychotic episodes. I so much prefer, so how are you etc. But this year has been really hard and I suddenly realised how entirely gone i have been this year and recently. i talked to her. She said I should talk to my psychiatrist, that maybe the meds need adjusting. She pointed out ways that I was trying to establish a straight sentence in my mind as something of a good effort.
My mind makes up stories, it connects the dots as it were, until i'm in a story that makes no sense and is not reality. Delusion. It is really hard. I try to stay online and to talk to my friends in london and to talk with my mom to stay in reality. Politics has been really really hard to take so I have kind of avoided Facebook until today, and it was not bad. I just completely could not take another insane statement. I'm quite depressed by the whole prospect, but I live in a world of my own and I have my Disability and I just have to do what I do, which this year has been to be very efficient with my money. I wrote out budgets for the rest of the year by the month, and i have quite a bit of extra money because of that. But I want to take some of it and go for sushi. They are always so sweet in there and they gave me a bonsai tree. I haven't been all year because of psychosis and because of really saving my money. It is the math of that that keeps me sane when i am out of the house. I hear voices all the time and i have trouble if i'm out for a long time without a specific plan. I go to Barnes and Noble and I look at the journals and I think I don't want to whore up a journal as beautiful as that with my horror stories. Not that i should be excused here either. so many apologies and hopefully i will have a better frame of mind in the coming months. Thank you for your patience if you have been able to stand this blog. I really hope to raise the bar mentally, for myself and for you. thanks.
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