My favorite Italian restaurant. My mind is still tired from being on Facebook. I really don't know what I was thinking, speaking up like that, maybe it was the devil lol. I still feel argumentative, and I'm used to years of medicated calm. I repost stuff occasionally on Facebook, but I think I'm a little off balance now, it seems everything speaks to me somehow, I'm making connections that probably are not what I think they are, and I feel like I'm flooding the page with junk, which I hate. Also I feel a little self conscious, which is not good - I feel like I'm being watched somehow, and this is nice in that the watcher seems to have my best interests at heart, but bad that I'm thinking that way at all. I spent years feeling as if I were being watched, and filmed and otherwise followed generally. It's not good. I don't think I need a meds adjustment, maybe just some time to reflect and calm down. I did that Facebook thing where the machine picks up your most commonly used words and arranges them in a pattern, my cousins had things like love and happy and all that, mine was all like war and schizophrenia. I don't have people around me to photograph, like they do. They are busy living their lives with partners and children. They have smart phones and post their restaurant food or their holiday snaps, and their friends always send like hundreds of likes. This doesn't depress me, it cheers me up, but I have to notice that my Facebook can be a little grim.
Mostly I use Facebook toward keeping up with my online schizophrenic friends, and secondly to stay up-to-date on friends and family. I'm not used to confrontation, even if I do occasionally make it clear that I vote democrat. I have been IM chatting with my English friend, Vicky, and she was in a counseling facility for 10 days. She is suicidally depressed and the staff doesn't deal with meds, it's purely one-on-one counseling. So I have been a little worried about her. She has been like this for many weeks and it's hard to tell if her new antidepressant is working or not because all of her meds don't really work, but her family says they can tell when she's not taking them. I mean, she is on 17 pills a day, and she still fights voices all the time. She almost never feels great, even on the rare good day, which I can count on one hand. It must be really hard. She is a great friend, she is very giving and supportive, even though she doesn't feel good herself. But she resists any kind of compliment, and she so deserves them. She's super. So, that's my Facebook mostly. It is hard work and it's serious and it's not about forty-thousand likes for me. I'm lucky to get one or two, but I don't despair. People like some of the photographs I repost (share), and they are usually not controversial. I don't know. I should find more - other - to think about. I asked my brother if he had a copy of the little single we recorded more than a decade ago. He did such beautiful guitar work on it and really impressed me with his engineering ability. He said yes. I would share it, but I'm reading some poetry on it and the author has been known to sue lol. It was just for fun, and I don't sing, so the reading was all I could do. But come for a ride sometime in my new Jeep and I'll play it for you! I'll plug the book the poetry is in. You can buy it at Amazon. It's Grapefruit by Yoko Ono. It's lovely to read out loud. Buy your copy today!
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