My little color studies, finally hung. Yes I finally did it, I have hung my paintings. Now I have room for more paintings starting tomorrow, new colors and everything. I'm thinking of changing the composition a little though, making them more complex. My painting teacher from university saw them back in April and he recommended that I go as far as to get some colored paper and try different compositions before I paint, all that. But the point of these was to be absolutely formally sane. I just can't paint like I used to, one mark at a time, it is really hard to paint like that mentally. I just don't have the stamina for that anymore, with schizophrenia. I'm pleased - my dear schizophrenic friend in the UK, Vicky, asked me to paint her some paintings. I will. It will be a pleasure. I can see that I improved from the first ones to the last ones. I made more beautiful colors and I added tons of stand oil to the medium (damar varnish) for shine. I'm quite pleased. It's just a simple little project, but the point is I realised it and it did what it was supposed to do, improve my sense of color and give my shaky hands something to work with. Even these are not my normal choice of color, and I have nine completely new colors added to my box to try with the next set. So, am happy.
Having hung my paintings, I called my neighbor on Thursday night and invited her for coffee today. She's coming this afternoon. She had asked to see the paintings, so I arranged it. I'm really excited. This Spring I have spent a bit of money on the house - repairs, fresh paint, I bought italian picture frames for some of my photographs and I bought new bedding and some nice pillows for my very vintage (and broken) sofa in the living room, I had a new chandelier installed in the kitchen (I smashed the old one - I was throwing dishes because of voices) and I had the windows I broke, repaired. I had done, over the years, quite a bit of damage to the house because of hearing voices and I finally got around to fixing the place up again. It's not perfect, but it's better than it was. I didn't have the nerve to ask my Dad to get in a real team. I did it myself. Really, though, the whole house could stand to be done, but I'm trying to just appreciate it for what it is - a free place to stay and a gift from my Dad. So, coffee in the kitchen with a friend. Nice! I have been writing here a bit about my attempts to get my mind in hand by reading about everything from psychoanalysis to Buddhism and Zen. I'm going with the idea that the mind is kind of like the ocean, with waves, as a way of viewing my schizophrenia. I mentioned that I have discovered some surf movies on Youtube toward this, my new "meditation", but I didn't disclose that I actually have a surfboard from many years ago. I'm not going to say I can surf, I can't stand up on the board. Really, I have a much better time with a body board. I'm not gifted with a great sense of balance, which I hate about myself lol. I got a really great chance in California though with the body board, like eight or nine great waves in a row. I don't know how tall the waves were, but I was way up high above the sand, I was a little nervous but it was fantastic. It was at a private beach near Point Dume. Anyway, all that aside, I wanted to say that my favorite surfer to watch is Tom Curren, and I wanted to recommend you watch him if you decide to try the surf films I have mentioned. If you like him and you still have a vhs, I totally with all my heart recommend The Search for Tom Curren. You can find copies on Amazon, I think. Well worth it. I bought my copy in a surf shop twenty years ago, before dvds came out and this film is not available on digital as far as I can tell, and I still absolutely love it. There is a clip from this film on Youtube, but it drives me crazy because I don't recognise it and I have seen this film at least thirty times, ha ha. Mystery. Check it out anyway though. It's all good.
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