Post Office Trees, Pruned. Spring 2016. I have had a horrific few days. I have been prevailed upon unspeakably. I'm so tired of having to explain to people everything from "Leave me alone" to "could you understand and be sane?". It's a horribly confused mess and there is no excuse for it. This page is for schizophrenic people, friends, I understand it's also been recommended to a class of psychology students, an actual classroom, I mean My God, I cannot continue to explain. I'm diagnosed "Schizophrenic" and I accept that. There is no cure. I have doctor I see, a PSYCHIATRIST, and they removed him for a fucking nurse practicioner, which I do not appreciate, and I have regular doctor, a therapist and a gynocologist and I get a mammogram once a year. So leave me alone. I TAKE MY MEDICINE. I am Disabled as in ON Disabilty. I'm not willing to negotiate it. I just accept it. Of course I know I could apply for a job but I did that for years and had no luck. As I already had my diagnosis many times, IT IS ON RECORD, I decided to take my Dad's lead and apply for Disability from THE SOCIAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION. I know perfectly well I COULD apply for jobs, but it is not necessary to displace people and anyway, it is healing for me to just enjoy my day, which I deserve and shouldn't have to explain. Sorry, I just trust that people my come across my blog for whatever reason and I'm sick and tired of people with jealousy and envy problems and even rude appropriative accusatory or even well intentioned interference with my mind and chosen life style. I didn't love to have to be somehow insane or to have to leave my husband and partner, but that is what happened. I can't be expected to deal with dumbass amateurs who have tried mightIly to throw me off my medical treatment and can I say it? Even overthrow the Government. To them, I say FUCK OFF.
I WOULD LIKE TO GET BACK TO MY BLOG AND MY FRIENDS AND SO ON. My painting, which I like ok LOVE to do. I just try and do things like that and I'm sick of I owe that PRIVILEDGE and CREDIT and everything else to someone else. No thank you. BYE. So yeah, I would like to just keep going with my life and not be FREAKED OUT. People in town who I'm used to dealing with look strange and stressed. This is a small town. I don't expect to have to understand that people I am used to seeing have disappeared or look awful or there is some horrible event that they are not working there any more. This has been happening and I'm highly upset. I feel pressure and I feel abused. I know how to conduct myself. I just do. I should not be pushed. I am sorry i can't deliver a smoother report and an easy message, as I am used to being able to do that. I mean, it's nice to be able to enjoy my day and have a smooth happy life. I just need that and I'm not interested in being used as a screaming , though perfectly sane I admit, DIRECTOR. I am long many years retired and I have published that. I don't appreciate being fucked with. I haven't done much reading lately, though i occasionally enjoy that. It has been nice to just mention ideas that I have read about and considered and am considering. I'm just saying schizophrenia is, by my definition, a spiritual crisis and a chemical imbalance. I don't want to be challenged on that or to have to define it further. I'm 51 years old. I have been under attack off and on for 18 years. I'm tired of being taken for a fucking ride. GET OUT! Hopefully I will be, as the English say, back on form by Sunday, next time I write here. I certainly hope so.
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