Nightfall, downtown. On the way home from yoga class there.
I have had some days with much less online time and it has been interesting. I cleaned the house and I made two and half paintings and my yoga has improved and so has my gym performance. My challenge is to get my nutrition in order, because I'm having dips in energy and I am actually trying a kind of super healthy food regime but it's kind of mostly vegan and maybe i can't sustain it. i don't know for sure. I am asking around and reading what i can find out about it. I'm just you know, so surprised to be living at this level and to be distancing myself from my last episodes of schizophrenia with ever increasing happiness factor, an enthusiasm for life that I really didn't know I could ever have. I'm doing things I love and that at earlier times in my life had mattered to me, inspiring things. And as I'm interested in yoga, other forms of movement are interesting so even cleaning the house like a normal not mentally ill person would do is a dance invitation i accept. I also have resolved a camera issue for my ocean film idea and it is really pleasing this idea, this solution. I actually thought of it and it worked and I thought of it because I was doing things I wasn't planning to do, and I was out and about and I stumbled across the answer, which is velcro by the way. When I started this blog it was kind of like putting a message in a bottle and throwing it to sea. I didn't know who if anyone would ever read it. Now I have a real door to open and a real outside world to experience, and I don't have to pen my every last thought online. People in my real life are actually speaking to me, like four people in the gym have talked to me about my yoga, and when I took up yoga again four years ago, I couldn't even really participate properly because I was too heavy and I had been smoking for years and not exercising at all. It is just to say that that anyone who has taken the time to read this blog, it has been really appreciated. I haven't had schizophrenic issues to relay for some months now and I'm hoping I can continue growing, as they say. It is like being given a whole new life, really, choosing to live, choosing to move around, choosing to make better choices. I don't forget what it was like when that wasn't possible, but I'm so glad I can have a different reality. Anyway, I'm tired and I snapped at someone in the store today and I am surprised at myself but I still recognize it as a result of trying to transform my life. I'm just needing to find my own pace so that I can keep the serenity that came with doing almost nothing in my life lol. I just have to note and adjust my mood and emotions as they occur. I had this idea last weekend because I noticed the suppleness of the spine of a yoga instructor, and my own spine is loosening up and so I thought of the term emotional posture. To note my emotions and to rebalance myself toward better composure or posture. It is keeping me fairly busy. I'm trying not to deflate in the face of changes and energies and emotions and goals and actual progress and not so much progress. I thought time offline was a good idea and real life is like a splash of freezing cold water and you want suddenly a heated towel or something and you maybe haven't got one but you notice your familiar reliable clothes and a jacket or whatever and you put it on and you leave the house for the gym or for your yoga class and anyway, your senses are heightened by increased and varied experiences and anyway, suddenly I have a life and I'm just thanking you all for being here. I will be posting pictures and maybe a little caption. I might be able to go quite some time with no real mental lapses. I'm hoping so. Thanks again.
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