The flowers at H&L. Having a really hard time. The music I like to listen to has been blocked. People are or have been trying to force me to have a baby, to pretend all kind of insane things, I am, of course, very upset. I like to listen to the Chet Baker music on Youtube. I especially like, I Get Along Without You Very Well. It helps me to not worry about my ex-husband, who was not in great shape when I last saw him in person, but who seems to be wonderfully happy when I check online - I like Google for my browser. I just cued it up on Youtube and they played it all day, just a really nice Jazz line up. It's very helpful to me to listen to this, then I can be thankful that we are divorced, which I am. I'm feeling very abused about language and I'm tired of being misunderstood. I mean, I gave him a divorce to save his life and I'm not sorry about it.
I'm happy living here in my Dad's house, and my brother lives here too. We are both schizophrenic and I personally don't want to be disturbed about that. I have also been very disturbed that the employees at the shops and business I frequent have been not their usual independent happy selves. There are new staff there willy nilly and I am being forced to give up my medicine, which works, all the time. The doctor I last saw has been replaced with an idiot nurse practitioner, and the receptionists were insane. They informed me that they are planning to move locations as well, which really upsets me. Also, the things I regularly buy at the store are increasingly hard to find and I often have to accept what I'm not happy with - my favorite things disappear, which I cannot understand, because I am using their MVP card, which records and adjusts the price on what I buy. I mean, they know what I like and I'm tired of it being questioned and all that. I'm tired of people trying to control and judge my moods and appearance generally. And my time. I was able to paint yesterday, but it was a real struggle. I don't appreciate people using me at all.
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June 2017
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