Coffeeshop, Downtown. Ok, I am sick as a dog. Really. Been confined to bed for 5 days and no sign of relief. Actually, I am going to try and see the doctor tomorrow as I don't think the antibiotic is up to the job. I am surprised I made it through the weekend without a trip to the emergency room. Breathing very shallow. Hate this. May have successfully ditched suitor as I didn't answer his last email. Just didn't feel like it. Nothing in mail today, so maybe finally an understanding. This is a relief, too. I was getting tired of his little prompts and stuff. A relationship is just not a gift to me. It's more work than I can stand. I like bed, desk, microwave. It's all very simple for me and the routine of it is good for me. It's not where I started in life, but it's where I have landed after many years of struggling for a normal life again. It's not depressing. I have a lot more freedom. Of course, it would be lovely to be with my ex-husband again - he's the only exception. I don't know how I got so lucky with him. It was heavenly.
For some reason, I am finding it hard to stand up to the doctor. It's not his fault. I just get all twisted around in my mind about what I want to say and I ultimately figure, he knows what he's doing. But I have actually had pneumonia before, and the drugs I was given were better, worked faster. This illness feels actually worse than that. I am going to have to summon the courage and go in, I think. I'm just not comfortable breathing right now. It has been a lot of years since I have been this kind of ill. I don't get out of the house much, so exposure is less of a factor. But somehow I caught this absolute mess. I hope I can get some relief tomorrow. I also have to buy more food. And my car is broken down again. So Dad is going to lend me one of his cars, which is great. I'm just such a mess. Been in the bed for so long. I try to tell myself it's for my own good to talk to the doctor. I am just scared he's going to say give this drug a chance. I think five days is good. I should feel a lot better by now. It's all just so irritating. But I really have done my best with this. Must be seen tomorrow.
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