My copy of Vincent Van Gogh's letters just arrived in the mail today... I am very happy about it. I had ordered seven books, four of which were Buddhist texts and arrived first, so I am looking forward to a change of pace... The Buddhist readings help me understand my mind, but I'm not a Buddhist and the reading can be quite intensive. I'm grateful for the help, but my new book is a welcome change. I never wrote really great letters... As a child in Italy, I first started writing letters to family and friends and then again in London, as a new bride. I absolutely loved the letters of my mother-in-law... My husband and I would fight over them. They always started, "Darlings!" and went on to describe various adventures in the garden and about town, written in a most entertaining conversational style... For a few years, after my illness had set in, I try to write letters in her style, with some success. These were letters to her, which I never sent. I just wanted to be that breezy cheerful letter writer, for once in my life and I pretty much achieved it. Now, I don't think I can do it, my Haldol keeps me on an even, somber keel, and I'm no longer busy around the house or town, so no stories to tell. Plus, no one ever writes back! This is a shame. Old-fashioned letters are a thrill and a welcome change to bills and advertisements. I miss my mother-in-law. She died four years ago, before I could explain about my schizophrenia. I'm sorry about it. I absolutely loved her. She was a great inspiration to me. She was a marvelous cook. We used to have whole salmon poached in white wine, with homemaid mayonnaise and store-bought for those who prefer it, roast venison and wonderful desserts, from gooseberry fool to an absolutely balletic pavlova for my birthday, with raspberries and cream. She was lovely in every way, a real breath of fresh air and my ex-husband has her looks and qualities. I loved her very much and I copied her way of going about things as nearly as I could for a long time. I'm sure every time I approach the kitchen, she kicks in and takes over.
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