I don't know if I will post a picture with each entry or not. This is a photograph of the lamp I stare at while I'm writing in my journal. It always reminds me of my mom, who bought the lamp many years ago. I hope it doesn't seem too much like lonely person's photography, but since that is what I am - lonely - maybe that's what it is. I like the lamp. Well, I have been on a wild researching campaign, the printer doesn't use the same os as the camera (I think). I have been thinking like crazy what to do, when in fact if I take it slow, a solution will arise. At least I can enjoy the photography. Actually, my Dad and the lamp were the main two photographs I wanted to take. I will have to venture out more, which is part of the reason for the camera. Otherwise it's pictures of my dinner or something like that. I remember twenty years ago when Hiromax made that kind of food photography a thing. I would only photograph a major piece of baking like a pie or something like that. Not pictures of my vegetarian hot dogs and sandwiches - or even my vegetables and brown rice, which requires more effort than the microwave. I don't mind when other people photograph their dinner, I just don't want to photograph mine. I thought I could take some pictures of the people I see every week, the girls at McDonald's, the waitresses at the sushi bar. But I am a little shy, so maybe it will take some time. Plus, it's too hot right now to take the camera out. 107F last week. Not that I would leave it in the car or anything like that. But really, I think it likes the air conditioning in the house... I am going from strength to strength on the Latuda. I am sleeping fewer hours a day and am happy during my waking hours. I did have an episode a couple of days ago, which interrupted my no smoking resolve. I don't need to smoke, but I like it at night to relax with. I thought the cigarettes would calm me down during my crisis. I think it worked, but I need to think of another solution, as I would like to quit the cigarettes. I will have to rename this page if I quit. That would be hard to do. I have been having tea and cigarettes to deal with my schizophrenia for 17 years. Something like 80% of all schizophrenics smoke. I think it's to have calm breathing time. That's what it is for me. But I can do breathing meditations a little now, those are new to me, and I can still have a cup of tea. Maybe this can be the cup of tea and photography page. I don't know. I have to get more bold with my camera. It's nice to think that taking pictures could ace out smoking in my life. My doctors would be pleased, as would my parents. I would be happier too, of course. Maybe I want to quit worrying all the time. I am working on that now. Trying to establish some minimum routines so that I have less flashback trauma of everything falling apart. This just means cleaning up regularly around the house and managing my money well, stuff like that. Things I can - and have to - control if I want to get to the end of my life without homelessness or some other disaster. The Latuda is making these improvements possible. I am no longer hibernating like I did with the Haldol. But I still have episodes, which are quite debilitating when they happen. But when they are not happening I am able to enjoy life more with the new medicine. I guess I just needed an antidepressant pretty badly. In any case, the change has answered my original complaint which was lack of motivation and anhedonia. So things are looking up.
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