The Silver Comet Bakery, Rockmart, GA. I hope everyone had a good holiday. My mother came to visit and I was slightly on edge. It was good to see her and her little dog, and things went smoothly, I just am not used to having an extra person around I guess. She had lots of questions and I'm not used to that either. She went shopping and left her little dog with me, who has to be held in your arms or she can't cope. My Mom is very upbeat and energetic and it's definitely a change for me and my brother to have her here, but my brother came out of his room and talked and visited with her, so that was good. I normally don't see that much of him. Watching Mom, I just remember being like that before schizophrenia, just super happy and generally active. Now I have everything in a routine, which helps me think, and all efforts are minimal.
My paintings dried! I can now move them and paint more, which I have been looking forward to. I don't know what made them suddenly dry, maybe a change in temperature, it has been warm for more than a week now, and will be until next weekend, according to the forecast. I want to mix my colors more carefully and watch my lines more, the paintings are a bit wonky now that I see them again and they have to be perfectly straight, or nothing at all. My steadiness in painting them improved as I went along, so hopefully I will continue to get better as I paint. These paintings are for a wall in my bedroom, which is patchy with spackling from where I filled in holes caused by throwing things around the room when the voices were bad. No matter how much you lose your patience, they don't stop. Thankfully, the medicine makes them less intense and stupid. I emptied my memory out completely on the tarot site I mentioned in the last post, and I am no closer to a conclusion or a beautiful answer about God, Love, or Suffering, the three topics the schizophrenia documentary makers want to cover. I'm just going to have to answer in broken and contradictory thoughts, which is all I can do and I guess is indicative of the schizophrenic condition and what they are looking for. I'm less upset about this than I was originally. I would not want to make grand statements on camera anyway. And I think I can leave it inconclusive, a work in progress, and that will be fine.
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